let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
