just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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