Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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