4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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