i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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