we made out on top of his cat.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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