my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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