i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
