I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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