Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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