Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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