I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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