Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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