Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
