Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
