i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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