At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
