my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
