Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
