I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
