We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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