There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
