i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
