you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
