A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
