it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
