Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
