I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
