She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
