There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
