I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
