Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
