I am in a vortex of obligation.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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