I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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