I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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