i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
