3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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