I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
