Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
