I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize