And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
