yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
