don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
