There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
