so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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