I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
