Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
