My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
