3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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