In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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