I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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