ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
