then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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