is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
