I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
