I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
