fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
