there's paper in my vomit.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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