I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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