I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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