I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
