Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
