I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
