My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
