She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
