super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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