I'd wear matching sweaters with you
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We need to get me chipped asap
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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