smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
