Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
