he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
