Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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