He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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