I got chris browned last night
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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