i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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